ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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