apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
