I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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