The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
