she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
