He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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