oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
