what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
