I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
