My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
