so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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