I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize