he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
