and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
