Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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