Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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