Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
