Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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