I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
