totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
