i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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