We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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