Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
