the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
