this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
