Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
