Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
