why didn't you poke me back
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
