Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
