Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
