This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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