Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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