I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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