You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
