You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
