I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
