I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
