Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
