Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10