I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
