2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.