being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
