I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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