I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize