Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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