are you still at the devil's house?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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