if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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