If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
