I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
