he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
