He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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