The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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