And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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