You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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