I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
