I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
