You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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