Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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