I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
