I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
