I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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