Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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