I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
