i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dignity is for republicans.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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