Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
