Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
