Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
