So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
