I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
