I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
