How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
