If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
