I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
