If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
