I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
