i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
